Ok, this is really very annoying! Yet another year got behind me and I have no idea how. Mostly, I spent plenty of time working – at work, at home, and sparing very little time for fun. I started the year with a general reminder to self that went something like this…”I’m going to take time to enjoy myself between work and more work. I’ll take breaks, keep it in perspective, not let stress get to me, and not let myself get carried away with too much work.” It was a good, well meaning note to self. It worked….for the first couple weeks. I kept my work day in check, stopped at a decent time, did not let stress of too much work on my plate overwhelm me. Then I fell back into my old habits, working too many hours, running mself down, forgetting all about my ‘reminder to self’. This is why I don’t make resolutions any more. I can see you nodding with that knowing smile;)
Resolutions are hard to keep. I’m not sure why they are called ‘resolutions’. I think they should be called ‘potential resolutions’ since most of us know that under that resolve lies self doubt and very little self-control. I wonder what the stats are on resolutions that are actually ‘kept’. I digress…
As as the end of the year was approaching, I had this sneaky feeling that I had let life take over and not made any attempts to regain control. It’s not the best feeling. It really is up to us how we chose to live, who we allow in, and how much control we decide to relinquish.
It was not all loss and failure though. I did push back my work to make time with the kids ( sure, more of this would have been better, but I’m taking baby steps), allowed myself to be lured away on two trips with no email, no phone, no work. I know; you’re probably rolling your eyes, but my husband had to fight me to get me to agree. It was sad actually that I did not feel comfortable enough to take time off from work, but I am so glad that I did! I got a much needed rest and desperately needed time with my husband and kids. I have 2 girls- Kaiya(13) and Zoe (16). They are awesome kids and I am forever hoping I can do them justice. My husband, Kesh…I have so much to learn from him, especially his particular brand of patience with my work and sleep habits. I am always wondering how he puts up with me. I also managed to take almost 2 weeks off over Christmas to stay home, bake, spin some Christmas memories, spend time with family, and recuperate from the year. It was THE BEST time I have ever spent – not working and not being away. Turns out the ‘stay-cation’ is not a myth! It was so nice to bum around in pyjamas all day, bake, watch movies, stay up late, indulge in yummy wine and eat leftovers or just chocolates :-p. You should try it some time.
So along the lines of achievements, I sent my Christmas cards on time this year! In my books, that counts as an achievement. I also managed to make a very positive change by changing where I work. I have been working from home for ages but I’ve always been sequestered in my home office, away from everyone and everything, not allowing myself to be disturbed by anything or anyone while I worked long hours. My husband has been asking me on a regular basis to try switching up where I set up so I can be more a part of the family life happening all around me, since all I have to do is move to a different room with my laptop. I finally decided to take his advice and brought my laptop down to the main floor library, which is right next to our main entrance and has a rounded area in the corner with Windows all around. Small space but precious. This small change has improved the quality of my life many fold. You wouldn’t think that one small change can have such an impact but my happiness quotient is living proof! Now I see my kids as they leave for school and as they return home. It’s like having a few extra stolen moments that are like a gift to myself. Most mornings I also get to spend a few precious minutes over a morning coffee with my husband, reconnecting, hearing his plans, sharing my own, and then life takes over the day.
So like I was saying, it’s not been all failures, despite losing track of my ‘reminder to self’. Another year has dawned and while I am not making any resolutions, I am reminding myself to be good to myself and everyone around me, especially those who are directly affected by my presence or absence…my family.