I remember those late night feedings when everything else receded into the background except the close presence of my little baby girl and the soft noises she made as she nursed. My sleepiness in those moments was quickly replaced by a feeling of love so deep and pure, nothing could equal its unparalleled joy. I was lucky enough to experience it a second time when my second daughter was born.
Now, many years later, I’ve been fortunate enough to have experienced it yet again. My daughters are almost 16 and 19 now. Over the years they’ve lovingly created mother’s day cards and gifted me pictures made with dry macaroni and bracelets made of beads. I’ve been frequently overwhelmed with love whenever I’ve received such gifts but nothing could have prepared me for what they did for me just over a year ago when our family faced one of our biggest challenges. My heart swells with love and my eyes brim with tears as I recount it.
In June last year I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. We didn’t know what to expect then and well, no one really knows what to expect next either but rewind a year and we really felt like we were standing at the foot of a great big forest with only darkness and a chaos of jumbled branches visible through the woods.
We chose to be honest and transparent with our daughters, who, wise beyond their years were so in need for us to treat them as adults. I shared with the girls that I was going to need a bone marrow biopsy. They were horrified when I explained to them what that entailed even though I tried not to scare them too much with details. It was definitely not a pleasant experience but not as bad as I expected either. Let’s just say I’d maybe rather have a tooth extraction? I’ve had to have 2 bone marrow biopsies now and I’ve lived through them…it’s really not as bad as I had conjured it to be in my mind. The unknown is definitely scarier than the reality in this case. Well I was a little worse for wear when I got home after the first bone marrow biopsy that day. When I went up to my room for the night, a beautiful array of goodies awaited me!
I was thoroughly surprised at this display, of which I had had no prior inkling and nestled in my surprise gifts were what can only be described as two of the most tear jerking notes I have ever read in my entire life!!
Sure my hip still hurt but the love and loving words in those notes dulled the pain and made it bearable. My self-pity switched tracks and started moving down the path of gratefulness. In that moment I cried tears of joy, borne out of love, overwhelmed to see such empathy and compassion in my own children…experiencing their love in a whole new way. I whispered many blessings for them and prayed with all my might that sorrow never darkens their doorstep. It was the first time during this journey that I was grateful; had I not been faced with such a difficult time, I would not have experienced such emotions; joy so deep that it floors you, then takes you to such heights that you feel one with the universe; love so pure that it puts a sparkle on everything you behold and gives a silver lining to every cloud.
A life resplendent with such love can only be a blessing. I’m so grateful for mine. ❤️
